Hearing “I need to …, ” I wonder if the speaker means “I want to,” or if they are speaking in terms of a life-necessary action as in stating “I need to eat.”

The problem is that “I need to” is often based in the unrecognized interests of another, or of all of society, at the expense of our own. In this context it presents a weak, non-committal position that belies our actual goal. It often acts as a screen to hide the fact that we actually don’t want the expressed outcome. A client, expressing something he had been “needing to” for a long time, after considering the source of the felt need came to the realization that he never “wanted to.”

For me, the statement “I need to give my son or daughter more autonomy in the business,” begs the question “why do you need to?” What is the outcome you want? Is it to satisfy a subtle society pressure, or do you see a benefit for yourself, your children, or the business in doing so?

Clarity is a powerful facilitator for reaching goals. If you really don’t want to do something, you are wasting your time and that of others by pursuing it. The hard part about life is that this happens, without our quite realizing it, and it sometimes takes harsh medicine to break the momentum and turn us around.

If you have been voicing “need” to turn over responsibilities in your business to your children while not doing it, you are lying to yourself.